One that knows his strengths. Just like the Great Genghis Khan, I know the importance of building on past victories.
After Khan showed the Kazakhs who their daddy was in 1219 did he opt not to go to the Middle East for fear of "not being fresh enough."?
Absolutely not. He found something that works for him and now, so have I. Potty humor is what I do best, and potty humor is what you will get. (Until I run out of ideas)
But onto the issue at hand. For the past month, I have been living in a dorm provided to me by my university. It is a living, breathing model of Soviet architecture, complete with all of the usual Communist quirks: pieces of my ceiling are constantly raining down on me, the hot water is as dependable as Italy in a World War, and the bathroom houses a traditional "Mongolian Toilet".
I've seen a few impressive things in my day but none can hold a candle to the feat of engineering that is The Mongolian Toilet.
Top View: Mongolian Toilet
Side View: Mongolian Toilet
When comparing toilet X-sections, you will notice the area shaded in red on the Mongolian Toilet. This zone serves as a stopping point for any and everything that enters from above. I don't know if there is a technical name for it, but it is best described as a Poo Poo Pedestal.
How did this happen? Why did the Soviet engineers bother to include such an unnecessary shit stop? I mean, pit stop? Many conflicting theories are available on the subject.
The first and most promising theory is that the toilets are in fact faulty. Someone in the USSR screwed up and made thousands of flawed toilets. He ended up in Siberia and the toilets were all shipped to Mongolia. Out of sight, out of mind.
An airtight story. Or so it would seem...
A much likelier scenario in this blogger's opinion is that Joseph Stalin, one of history's proudest men, ordered the inclusion of the Poo Poo Pedestal in all Soviet toilets. Proud in every aspect of his life, nothing brought him more joy than to stare at a particularly impressive bowel movement. Consider the amount of beets in the typical Russian meal, and you are guaranteed to see some crazy color schemes. It's like Pablo Poo-casso up there.
Whatever the reason, faulty design, or Poo Poo Pride, I am 100% in favor of Mongolian Toilets. Sure you have to clean them much more frequently, but that is a small price to pay to be able to stand up, turn around and say "Yeah. I did eat that."
Until next time,
Genghis "Poopin' ain't Easy" Cochrane
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6 comments:
First of all Cochrane, get your act together. The spelling of your title is blatantly wrong.
Aside from the editor's note, I am quite impressed with the analysis, and intrigued with the construction of such a beast. A few questions:
1) Is the water pressure of the Mongolian toilet great enough to dislodge the poo from its platter consistently?
2) If so, is it great enough to consistently wipe away the inevitable skid marks on the toilet?
3) If not, is there some sort of special Mongolian pooping tool to accomplish this important task?
4) How does the lack of containment of the poop--via water with the normal western toilet--affect the dispersal and diffusion of the rotten stench emanating from the poo platter?
Thank you for your swift and timely response to these important questions.
Thank you Winston, for catching that type-o. You are the Sherlock Holmes of spelling. As far as your questions go:
1) Yes, the poo is constantly dislodged, but it is crucial to give at least 15 minutes between flushes to ensure entire excrement elimination.
2) Skid marks are a necessary side effect of the platter. Stalin was known to hire "Skid Mark Interpreters" to foretell his future. Trotsky opted not to. Coincidence? I think not.
3) No special tool. Just a regular toilet brush. Teeth are not the only thing that need to be brushed twice a day in Mongolia.
4) Containment? Hogwash! The water only serves to release the putrid stench. An irrelevant question from an uninformed man.
I hope this has served to educate you and I look forward to discussing this topic at length in a more private forum.
When I was in Holland, all those years ago, Dutch toilets were the same.
of equal importance, how is the toilet paper? International "ply" standards vary, as I myself am discovering.
Keith or rather Gengi, Look like an early model of water saving toilet to me. When its dirty you use the great outdoors.
garret
Gee Keith, your innocence impresses and pleases me. Don't you know that the toilets were invented by the same folk who discovered the perfect hiding place and best method for transporting illegal substances across borders? The "poo pedestal" is actually the perfect platform ensuring a good, near dry surface on which to inspect the poo for imbedded valuables. Don't flush too soon! Found anything good in there yet?
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