FANS!
I'm terribly sorry. I've been a horrible blogger and an even worse ruler. The real Genghis Khan came to me in a dream and told me that I would never be a real Khan with my lazy attitude and I think he is right. He's always right!
Today, like so many Canada geese before me, I am migrating south for the winter. Why you ask? Well, there's something about -30 degree weather that doesn't quite sit right with me. The next month will be spent in sunny South East Asia, where I plan on doing heavy amounts of recruiting and research for when I finally decide to live out the prophecy given to me by the Great Khan.
It is wild to think that my time here is half over. Like a coffee bean dipped in honey, it is bittersweet. Its a very strange thing to be handing out grades to students who are less than a year younger than me, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And if that means giving every good looking girl in Mongolia a 100%, then I say, so be it!
The big event of the past few weeks was definitely the Christmas party that I co-organized with some of the teachers. Not that I like to brag, but I am pretty good at this kind of thing, but even my acute party planning skills are no match for my friend the language barrier. The party ended up being a huge success. The first half was much more memorable than the second half, involving many performances by the students, special student "Oscar Awards", and even a movie with a script penned by yours truly. The second half was a haze of vodka and hip hop. A great thing about Mongolia is that people young and old don't mind just getting down together. I felt no different dancing with my 50 year old coworkers than I did my 20 year old students. I can't imagine every boogeying with any of my college professors. Well, maybe Professor Billington.
Yes, wild times were had by all. Less wild times were had by me in my bed until 4 the next afternoon. The only time I ever get phone calls it seems is when I have a headache. Typical. Real typical.
Just got off the phone with Korea airlines. My flight is delayed two hours. It seems this country just can't stand to see its prodigal son leave.
If I don't post before then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! A special Merry Christmas goes to my family who are going to be missing their boy for the first time on Christmas this year. I am with you in spirit guys, and I will brew some home made eggnog in a Thai hostel toilet in your honor.
If you will be in South East Asia in the next month, just call my name and I will come a-running faster than Steve Urkel after Carl Winslow's latest tirade!
May everyone have a safe and happy holiday season and see you all in the New Year!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Genghis Cochrane meets Kublai Van
About three or four times a day, I have a conversation with a friend or a family member still wasting their life away in non-arctic weather on the topic of visiting me and observing my mastery of the nomadic lifestyle. They tell me that "Mongolia is too far to visit" and "Isn't it like -90 degrees up there.... KELVIN" and "Keith, it really just isn't feasible financially or time-wise for me to swing up to Ulaanbaatar for an afternoon." and of course "How the hell did you get this number?"
I ask all you non-believers to stand in shame and bask in the glory of Kublai Van, the latest and strongest member of my horde. Kublai was nice enough to take some time out of his tight schedule to see how my empire is holding up. After some reconnaissance work in China, he hopped on the train in Beijing and rode the quick 30 hours for a peaceful (bi) afternoon ride. He reported to me that the train is forced to change wheels at the border, due to the differing sizes of Chinese and Mongolian rails. This highly inconvenient delay ensures that Mongolia cannot be overrun by Han Chinese. What if Mongolia wants to overrun China you ask? That's the beauty of horses my friends. No wrenches required.
Speaking of horses, this weekend was spent in lovely Hustai National Park, where in 1992, 16 horses were reintroduced to the wild. These 16 got their freak on and now they are thriving again. And again. And again. They are just like regular horses except they have bigger heads and two extra chromosomes. Legend has it that these extra chromosomes give them the ability to say "Yay" as well as "Neigh" making them the only truly democratic horse society in existence. Only in Mongolia folks, only in Mongolia.
Day turned to night on the Mongolian Steppe and the sun disappeared like so many 1,000 Togrog bills at "Ger-lls, Ger-lls, Ger-lls", Ulaanbaatar's premiere strip club. We were lucky to be at Hustai park where the only thing wilder than the horses is the nightlife. We stayed up drinking bottle after bottle of Chinngis's finest vodka, playing guitar and singing Mongolian long songs into the wee hours of the night. A late night bathroom break revealed a crucial flaw in the Ger camp setup. Every Ger looks the same. Especially while wearing a shiny set of Vodka goggles. I must have wandered into three or four different Gers before finding the right one, making my fair share of friends, and fairer share of enemies along the way.
In true Mongolian fashion I was up and ready to go the following morning. For lunch we stopped at a real Nomadic Ger and were served the best noodle soup this side of the great wall. In Mongolia it is totally okay to stumble into someone's Ger expecting food, and if needed even a place to sleep. They would not have survived for this many years without this extreme hospitality, and it is one of two ancient traditions that still lives on today. The other tradition: marrying their cousins. This one is hard to avoid in a society with no last names. They're only human after all.
We left the countryside behind, and were back in the city by nightfall. Kublai and I shared some beers and some tears, and then I had to say farewell to my dear friend. He was tempted to stay but thinks that our revolution will have a better chance of success if we take it global sooner rather than later. He might be right. Either way it leaves me a lone wolf once again.
Friends!
Family!
Anonymous Internet Weirdos!
Take his torch and get out here immediately! Seriously, I could use the body heat. Also, the Mongolian Canteens are already producing Grease-cicles that are sure to last through February. If that's not motivation enough to get out here, I don't know what is.
Until next time,
Genghis
I ask all you non-believers to stand in shame and bask in the glory of Kublai Van, the latest and strongest member of my horde. Kublai was nice enough to take some time out of his tight schedule to see how my empire is holding up. After some reconnaissance work in China, he hopped on the train in Beijing and rode the quick 30 hours for a peaceful (bi) afternoon ride. He reported to me that the train is forced to change wheels at the border, due to the differing sizes of Chinese and Mongolian rails. This highly inconvenient delay ensures that Mongolia cannot be overrun by Han Chinese. What if Mongolia wants to overrun China you ask? That's the beauty of horses my friends. No wrenches required.
Speaking of horses, this weekend was spent in lovely Hustai National Park, where in 1992, 16 horses were reintroduced to the wild. These 16 got their freak on and now they are thriving again. And again. And again. They are just like regular horses except they have bigger heads and two extra chromosomes. Legend has it that these extra chromosomes give them the ability to say "Yay" as well as "Neigh" making them the only truly democratic horse society in existence. Only in Mongolia folks, only in Mongolia.
Day turned to night on the Mongolian Steppe and the sun disappeared like so many 1,000 Togrog bills at "Ger-lls, Ger-lls, Ger-lls", Ulaanbaatar's premiere strip club. We were lucky to be at Hustai park where the only thing wilder than the horses is the nightlife. We stayed up drinking bottle after bottle of Chinngis's finest vodka, playing guitar and singing Mongolian long songs into the wee hours of the night. A late night bathroom break revealed a crucial flaw in the Ger camp setup. Every Ger looks the same. Especially while wearing a shiny set of Vodka goggles. I must have wandered into three or four different Gers before finding the right one, making my fair share of friends, and fairer share of enemies along the way.
In true Mongolian fashion I was up and ready to go the following morning. For lunch we stopped at a real Nomadic Ger and were served the best noodle soup this side of the great wall. In Mongolia it is totally okay to stumble into someone's Ger expecting food, and if needed even a place to sleep. They would not have survived for this many years without this extreme hospitality, and it is one of two ancient traditions that still lives on today. The other tradition: marrying their cousins. This one is hard to avoid in a society with no last names. They're only human after all.
We left the countryside behind, and were back in the city by nightfall. Kublai and I shared some beers and some tears, and then I had to say farewell to my dear friend. He was tempted to stay but thinks that our revolution will have a better chance of success if we take it global sooner rather than later. He might be right. Either way it leaves me a lone wolf once again.
Friends!
Family!
Anonymous Internet Weirdos!
Take his torch and get out here immediately! Seriously, I could use the body heat. Also, the Mongolian Canteens are already producing Grease-cicles that are sure to last through February. If that's not motivation enough to get out here, I don't know what is.
Until next time,
Genghis
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Trick or Meat!
For thousands of years Mongolians have lived peacefully on their expansive steppe. Thousands of October 31sts have come and gone without making so much as a blip on the Mongolian radar. All that changed in a big way this year my friends. Just like Genghis Kahn taught the Mongols how to fight, Genghis Cochrane taught the Mongols how to fright.
It all started last week, on a day much like today. I was having a typical conversation with one of my coworkers. After exchanging pleasantries and information about the state of our respective livestock, I mentioned that I was "super duper stoked" for Halloween. A fifteen minute explanation of the phrase "super duper stoked" was followed by a 30 second description of my favourite holiday. I talked of Jack-o-lanterns, of trick or treating, of witches and of zombies. Needless to say, she was more intrigued than a Grizzly Bear at a honey tasting. She insisted that I show her and the rest of the department my weird and strange traditions.
And what a weird and strange party it was!
It began with me retelling the story of Stingy Jack and the first Jack-o-lantern, complete with different voices for the different characters. I do a great Lucifer in case you didn't know. This was followed by some inspired Jack-o-lantern carving. I fancy myself an expert in the art of pumpkinry, but much to my embarrassment, I was shown up by almost everyone in the department. I suppose all those years of slaughtering sheep and Chinese farm people have made the Mongolian people handy with a knife.
Jack-o-lanterns begat ghost stories, and might I tell you, there is nothing harder than explaining the concept of a haunted house to a Mongolian. Their nomadic lifestyle makes them completely immune to hauntings.
"What's that honey? There's a ghost in the ger? PICK IT UP!"
Perhaps this ghostly loop hole was the original inspiration for their lifestyle. I see no other explanation really.
Following the herds? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
We had candy, we had jack-o-lanterns, we had ghost stories, but what Halloween party would be complete without a little Monster Mashing? I played my coworkers the Barry Picket classic on repeat and taught them the true meaning of fear.
Yes, all in all a classic Halloween, and an event that I am told will become an annual tradition. They told us at orientation not to try and change our countries, but like light bulbs and underwear, some things just need changin'.
Does this mean I am going to start changing my underwear? Lets not get ahead of ourselves here.
And finally here are some pictures for your visual enjoyment. They are not of the staff party, but of a party that I threw with my second year English class. The party taught me two things about Mongolians. They all throw the peace sign in pictures and if you cut one of them with a pumpkin carving knife they bleed red blood, just like you and me.
Happy Halloween!
GC
It all started last week, on a day much like today. I was having a typical conversation with one of my coworkers. After exchanging pleasantries and information about the state of our respective livestock, I mentioned that I was "super duper stoked" for Halloween. A fifteen minute explanation of the phrase "super duper stoked" was followed by a 30 second description of my favourite holiday. I talked of Jack-o-lanterns, of trick or treating, of witches and of zombies. Needless to say, she was more intrigued than a Grizzly Bear at a honey tasting. She insisted that I show her and the rest of the department my weird and strange traditions.
And what a weird and strange party it was!
It began with me retelling the story of Stingy Jack and the first Jack-o-lantern, complete with different voices for the different characters. I do a great Lucifer in case you didn't know. This was followed by some inspired Jack-o-lantern carving. I fancy myself an expert in the art of pumpkinry, but much to my embarrassment, I was shown up by almost everyone in the department. I suppose all those years of slaughtering sheep and Chinese farm people have made the Mongolian people handy with a knife.
Jack-o-lanterns begat ghost stories, and might I tell you, there is nothing harder than explaining the concept of a haunted house to a Mongolian. Their nomadic lifestyle makes them completely immune to hauntings.
"What's that honey? There's a ghost in the ger? PICK IT UP!"
Perhaps this ghostly loop hole was the original inspiration for their lifestyle. I see no other explanation really.
Following the herds? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
We had candy, we had jack-o-lanterns, we had ghost stories, but what Halloween party would be complete without a little Monster Mashing? I played my coworkers the Barry Picket classic on repeat and taught them the true meaning of fear.
Yes, all in all a classic Halloween, and an event that I am told will become an annual tradition. They told us at orientation not to try and change our countries, but like light bulbs and underwear, some things just need changin'.
Does this mean I am going to start changing my underwear? Lets not get ahead of ourselves here.
And finally here are some pictures for your visual enjoyment. They are not of the staff party, but of a party that I threw with my second year English class. The party taught me two things about Mongolians. They all throw the peace sign in pictures and if you cut one of them with a pumpkin carving knife they bleed red blood, just like you and me.
Happy Halloween!
GC
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I'd Rather be a Blogger than a Tool
Actually, what the hell is the difference?
I am back fellow hoard and less powerful than ever. After searching UB unsuccessfully for spare laptop parts, I finally gave in and bought a second hand monitor. The thing cost me a whopping 30,000 Togrogs (about $25) and I still feel like I got ripped off. I think I had this same monitor on my original Gateway 2000 PC. Now if only I could find a copy of Simcity it would be like 5th grade all over again.
The big news I have to report is that the strike is finally over. Actually, its been over for days. My amazing negotiating skills got the teachers to call off the strike. Unfortunately, our pay wasn't actually raised. It was basically the least successful strike in history. I was invited to the School Director's private soccer game, and I think we should just have our department play the administration. If we win, we get the pay raise, and if they win, I will personally pay for their hospital bills.
This means that school is back in session. My first lesson plan back on the job was teaching my adult students how to express preference using phrases like "I prefer" "I'd rather" and "Given the choice". In order to hammer home the point I even used the Paul Simon classic "El Condor Pasa".
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail,
If I could, I surely would.
I'd rather Mr. Simon didn't rip off a bunch of helpless Peruvians, but who am I to complain? Anyway, the students did really well, especially one overachiever, let's call him Steve, who corralled me after class. The exchange went a little bit like this:
Steve: Hello Keith.
Genghis: What's up my brother?
Steve: Where are you going tonight?
Genghis: I'm going to go get loaded with some friends. It's my friends birthday tonight. WOOO!!! Where are you going?
Steve: I'm going to my church. I am a Christian. What is your religion.
Genghis: I am not really a religious man Steve.
Steve: I'd rather be a Christian than a normal person.
Calling me a normal person was a bit of a Freudian slip, but we're not getting into those until next week. I didn't know whether to be offended by his statement or impressed at how great a teacher I am. He proceeded to invite me to his church, telling me there was an American missionary who would "really like to teach me." Even though I said "No, thank you", Steve has promised to bring me two copies of the Bible, one in English and one in Mongolian so I may read and possibly decide to change my heathen ways. I am looking forward to the Mongolian take on Christianity. The mutton of Christ anyone? I actually really like Steve, and having never read the Bible, Mongolia is as good a place as any to start.
Was going to post some pictures, but Mongolian Internet is about as reliable as Dominik Hasek in NHL 2002. I will try again later. Just like the Dominater.
I am back fellow hoard and less powerful than ever. After searching UB unsuccessfully for spare laptop parts, I finally gave in and bought a second hand monitor. The thing cost me a whopping 30,000 Togrogs (about $25) and I still feel like I got ripped off. I think I had this same monitor on my original Gateway 2000 PC. Now if only I could find a copy of Simcity it would be like 5th grade all over again.
The big news I have to report is that the strike is finally over. Actually, its been over for days. My amazing negotiating skills got the teachers to call off the strike. Unfortunately, our pay wasn't actually raised. It was basically the least successful strike in history. I was invited to the School Director's private soccer game, and I think we should just have our department play the administration. If we win, we get the pay raise, and if they win, I will personally pay for their hospital bills.
This means that school is back in session. My first lesson plan back on the job was teaching my adult students how to express preference using phrases like "I prefer" "I'd rather" and "Given the choice". In order to hammer home the point I even used the Paul Simon classic "El Condor Pasa".
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail,
If I could, I surely would.
I'd rather Mr. Simon didn't rip off a bunch of helpless Peruvians, but who am I to complain? Anyway, the students did really well, especially one overachiever, let's call him Steve, who corralled me after class. The exchange went a little bit like this:
Steve: Hello Keith.
Genghis: What's up my brother?
Steve: Where are you going tonight?
Genghis: I'm going to go get loaded with some friends. It's my friends birthday tonight. WOOO!!! Where are you going?
Steve: I'm going to my church. I am a Christian. What is your religion.
Genghis: I am not really a religious man Steve.
Steve: I'd rather be a Christian than a normal person.
Calling me a normal person was a bit of a Freudian slip, but we're not getting into those until next week. I didn't know whether to be offended by his statement or impressed at how great a teacher I am. He proceeded to invite me to his church, telling me there was an American missionary who would "really like to teach me." Even though I said "No, thank you", Steve has promised to bring me two copies of the Bible, one in English and one in Mongolian so I may read and possibly decide to change my heathen ways. I am looking forward to the Mongolian take on Christianity. The mutton of Christ anyone? I actually really like Steve, and having never read the Bible, Mongolia is as good a place as any to start.
Was going to post some pictures, but Mongolian Internet is about as reliable as Dominik Hasek in NHL 2002. I will try again later. Just like the Dominater.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
POSSIBLE OUTAGE 10/10/2008 - ?
When I came to Mongolia I promised myself that I would not get sick. Unfortunately, "Farmer in the Dell", my usually trusty laptop did not make the same promise. There is a problem with the monitor. It starts up very bright, then almost immediately goes black. The computer is still on and I can make out the screen if I stare very closely with a headlamp on. This is far from ideal however. I am thinking about attempting to repair this myself. It is either a problem with the LCD inverter or the LCD backlight. From what I've read online, it is a very fixable problem.
What do you, the fans, think? Should I:
A) Risk Forever Damaging My Laptop by repairing it myself
B) Risk Forever Damaging My Laptop by having a Mongolian repairman look at it.
C) Suck it up and buy an external monitor (A temporary solution until I return West)
D) Screw the Laptop. This Blog Sucks Anway!
E) Other (Make a suggestion here)
We will test Blogger's polling capabilities. Please give your comments and vote in the Poll!
What do you, the fans, think? Should I:
A) Risk Forever Damaging My Laptop by repairing it myself
B) Risk Forever Damaging My Laptop by having a Mongolian repairman look at it.
C) Suck it up and buy an external monitor (A temporary solution until I return West)
D) Screw the Laptop. This Blog Sucks Anway!
E) Other (Make a suggestion here)
We will test Blogger's polling capabilities. Please give your comments and vote in the Poll!
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